well, I like Harry Hill, and I like Ken Dodd, Harry Hill, Ken Dodd, Ken Dodd, Harry Hill, but who is best? well, theres only one way to find out, PIE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oooh I luurrve my sonic screwdriver ooh yes i do.

list of pets to smuggle into school

1. Lion. too loud.
2. booby. too rude.(in case you thought, a booby is actually a bird. As if Id put that in for a cheap laugh, heh!)
3. snake. would slip out your bag.
4. monkey. too stupid.
5. alligator. to snappy.
6. ay-ay. too creepy.
7. fish. would suffocate easily without water.
8. cat. too selfish.(I hate cats.)
9. dog. too playful.
10. rat. too dirty.

In Nigel we trust

11 ways to convince your teacher it is snowing outside.

1. "miss miss! theres a eskimo chasing a seal across the playground!"
2. At break run into the staffroom and shout "a polar bears eaten me lunch!"
3. Paint windows white and run up to teacher and scream"why do you never listen!"
4. Before the first lesson pour ready brek over you and pretend to shiver
5. Rip out some of your hair and say you have frostbite
6. Yodle and wait for a avalanche
7. At playtime dangle a peice of string over the floor and claim to be fishing in the ice
8. Shout was that the head skiing through the window !?
9. Let David Attenborough set up a show about penguins in the playground
10. Scream "the dawn of the ice age is here!!!!!!!!!! "
11. Put your hand up and say "Ill be leaving the classroom now miss, I might be some time

1. caramel wafer joke gauranteed to annoy big sister.
2. unwrap caramel wafer carefully without ripping it
3. eat caramel wafer(obviously!)
4. rewrap caramel wafer and put it back.
5. if your your sister tries to kill you the pharp will take no responsibilty

The evil advent calender - 1 December

''ooh  I wonder whats behind the window today?

''greetings fellow idiot, today you shall receive a poke in the eye!,MERRY CHRISTMAS SUKCA !

THE STORY OF JIM BODKIN - THE BOY WITH REMOTE CONTROL POWERS

Chapter 1

Once there was a boy called Jim Bodkin. One day when Jim was in ASDA with his mum when a 100 inch flat screen TV fell on him, it must have been heavy you know all that electric stuff. I reckon his mum did all that weird embarrassing mum thing you know when you fall off your bike that’s happened to all of us even me.

Chapter 2

It was Jims first day at a new school and he was determined to make a friend or two. ‘Oh great homeroom the worst lesson of the day’ said Jim. ‘Yak yak yak’ went the teacher ‘urghhhhhhhhhhhhh’ went Jim. ‘I wish it was chemistry’ ‘right children time for the sixth period’ said Miss Wigglesworth. Jim had fastforwared time! It must have been from when the tv hit his head – he had superpowers!

Chapter 3

‘Right children open your books and turn to page 40 oh hello Mrs Gutbucket’ said Mr Flatly. ‘Urrrnnnnnghhhellohhhh’ I was wondering what this lot what these kids want for there lunches.’ Oh maybe tuna and seaweed sandwiches.’ Hello, I’m the new boy Jim Bodkin and this is my medicen hang on WOAH! Oh I’m so sorry’ you don’t need to be I feel much better and stronger said Mrs Gutbucket.

things Samuel Pepys never said about the fire of London

Will Buckley's dream and nightmare Halloween

1. any costume designed for a Japanese horror movie is GOOD
2. avoid any costume designed by your mum or you will look like this

3. any cosume designed for a real ghost

handsome teacher

fruit joke

why did the banana go to hospital?

he wan't peeling very well

lady gaga joke

how do you make lady gaga cry?

poker face